Dear Matisse, Phoenix and Ignatius,
People may ask you why you believe what you do and it is important that you know the answer to this so that you can express yourself and your values with conviction. I have met many people in my lifetime who have appreciated my reasons for behaving the way I do and I have met others who thought I was an absolute joke. But at least I can say that over time I have learnt to live my life honestly, to speak to others with sincerity, to love passionately, to ask humbly, to question respectfully and to reach out emotionally. And for the person I have become, I stand proud.
I spent years just wandering on my path always worrying that I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough or good enough. I was self centered and egotistical and maybe even a little vain and shallow. But then I started reading books which changed my outlook. “Conversations with God”, “The Tao of Pooh”, “The Celestine Prophecy”, “Feel the Fear” and of course “Many Lives, Many Masters”. These wonderful and inspiring books hold a very special place in my heart and in my library. They awakened my thinking and deepened my sense of being. They helped me ponder about my significance in the Universe and with an open mind allowed me to question everything until I found a hypothesis that was worth my consideration.
I had been reading about a theory that was based on the premise that we select our own life situation from beginning to end before we are born. The concept means we choose our parents, where we live, how we live and what lessons we are destined to learn in this lifetime So, I asked myself, if the view point is true that we choose our own lives, then shouldn’t I trust in myself and the path that I had chosen? After all, this idea meant that my journey was predetermined and that there was no need to force or interfere, because it was all going to happen exactly the way it was meant to be. So my thoughts started to evolve in a way I never thought possible. I welcomed the idea that I would always get to where I was meant to be. There was no way to not get to where I was meant to be. There was no way to miss my final destination. There was only Trust and Let Go but this time I had to trust in myself.
I believe in this pre-birth theory. I believe that I have chosen my path and the beauty and the challenges that I am destined to encounter. But I also believe that it is in the here and now that I get to choose my personal journey, the dusty road on which I am going to travel. I believe that is where my life takes form, where it is up to me to create myself and to determine who I want to be within these circumstances. It is all about my choices. I can sink or swim. I can fight or take flight. It is all up to me and that is what my life is about – making the personal choice of how I stroll along my road.
So I guess you can say that I have become conscious of my life. But being conscious of who I am and who I want to be requires making some changes. In order to match the grandest vision I have of myself I need to consciously change my words, my thoughts and my actions. But I am no martyr. I do not always live like this but I am trying. I am trying to discover my own world. I am trying to cut out the noise so I don’t get involved in others toxic words. I try to look at myself in the mirror and accept the new me. And I do this because I owe it to myself. I have often forgotten myself. I often felt insecure, felt sad and felt helpless.
And then this happened. This horrible illness which shook my world and sent me down a rabbit hole that I did not foresee. For two full months I lived in a shroud of darkness like murky water in a deep pond. But then I realized that I had the most wonderful choice to make. I could call on everything that I knew and believe in it with all my heart and soul and put it all into practice. I had nothing to lose. The Universe had set its plan for me and like a perfect crystal its grand design was marvelous. So I often remind myself that there is no need to be afraid. This is all part of my predestined journey. So I take a breath and I embrace the good along with the bad. I own the position I find myself in and I remind myself that it is I who had designed this, so just Trust and Let Go.
So children the message is clear. Your life is about choices. You choose how you want to live and who you want to be. Look around you and be inspired to search for your own meaning. You can believe as I do or you can find your own creed to live by. It does not matter as long as it is what you believe and you know that you can hold that belief in the palm of your hand and no one can blow it away. Choose to believe in something, for ultimately it is what will define you.